Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
