there's paper in my vomit.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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