yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
