the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
