i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
