No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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