im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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