he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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