I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
