I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
