At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
