At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
