So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
