But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
