we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
