Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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