Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm both gender and math confused
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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