things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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