Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
