I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
