i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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