Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
