He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
