I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
