Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
