I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
