So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
