never play flip cup with pint glasses
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
