So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
