Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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