Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
