i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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