I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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