I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
