Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
