"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
His nipple licking is glorious
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