Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
