what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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