I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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