I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
