no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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