I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
