im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
