if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
