my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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