that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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