Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
