We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
