i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
