I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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